I really thought I would write this blog post talking about how hard 2016 was, and how happy I would be to see it go.
But the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t be brought to think of it like that. While, yes, there were certainly things that changed for me this year– truth of the matter is – this change was something I really needed.
(Now, If you’re any kind of reader of this blog, you’ll know that I go for long periods of silence – followed by long ramblings on my page. This isn’t a business website- and more of where to keep in touch with things that are in my head. If you don’t want to read a lot, just come back tomorrow.. i’ll have it all spelled out)
Being Truthful to Myself

When I think of who I am – at the core – Photographer is not the first thing that comes to my mind. Yet, I feel like i’ve been living in a space where the value of what I do is constantly measured along the lifeline of the “amazing” photographer. For the last couple of years, I feel like I’ve walked in a sea of catch phrases, “Top Ten Things” posts, Instagram constructions, and live broadcasts talking about dumb things that don’t impact anyone’s life – much less things that people could really care about. Things that I really didn’t care about, but put up with. I swam in a sea of ideas of “this could sell” or “this’ll be viral” instead of “this could help”. Little by little – the running of that wheel just took me further from what I find joy in. It’s this manufactured persona of a photographer – like this is something we should really strive for.
I hated that.
Surprise! End 2016 with a post on how what you see publicly isn’t really the reality of a situation- right? Truth is – if you look close enough, you could have totally seen it.
I was burnt out. Market-ed out. I hated the entire concept of selling a lifestyle. Its just not cool. I think that social media has a level of connectedness that I like – that has absolutely nothing to do with pushing this narrative out to the world. The whole gerbil wheel that comes with the whole ‘most amazing photographer/photoshop/video/what have you” thing had run its course.
I think people have a really good radar for that kind of bullshit and I hated that I was involved in a “If I can do it, you can do it” mentality. It felt like selling a lie.
Covered in flies, I sat and thought about the things that –do– give me Joy.
Teaching.
At my core- I am a teacher first. Ever since I was a kid – I wanted to be a teacher. I went to college to become a teacher. I spent time in a classroom as a teacher. That’s what fills my heart – teaching. And here I was doing all of this other stuff that really took me away from helping others. The more I got away from sitting and really helping people, the less happy I was.
I’ll share with you a secret. When I got to the whole Photoshop Guy thing – all I thought I was going to be doing -was- teaching. Go somewhere, teach, come home. Little by little that market took off and with it, the whole concept of having to be a -brand- to do it. There were parts that were great about it. and your reach definitely helps… But towards the end I absolutely hated it… and I think many could tell.
To this day, the quote that stays with me the most is from Chuck Palahniuk
The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything.
If I really want to be happy – I need to just go back to teaching. But how do I do that?
Enter Fotopromos
Earlier in the year, I started working with some folks on something called Fotopromos. The idea is actually pretty neat – take a bunch of resources and content – sell it for a fair price for a limited time. Bring value to people that want it. Cool – I could get behind that., I made classes for that, and found myself really excited about that part. However, once the classes were done for the package and the window closed for the orders – that was it. No one else to teach to.
I sat right back in the same spot. Wanting to teach- and not really having an avenue where I could do that. In the process of this Mia, Kevin, and I had built our new home and got it ready to go. I wanted to do more with it.
(Kinda) Random Story Break – The Guy on the Plane
I remember running into a guy on a flight to a show in NY about a year ago (i’m not saying who he is here.. but if he’s reading.. thank you!) . I sat on the exit row, about to devour a full Publix sub when we struck into a conversation. Thankfully, I was able to convince him to take half my sub (There’s absolutely no reason I should have been allowed to try to eat that whole thing), when he admitted that he did know who I was, what I did, and that he was a member for a while, but left after not having anything that interested him,
Apologizing for the ill fitted analogy (cause he’s an AMAZING photographer and totally didn’t need us… ), I told him that there was no need for him to feel bad – that it was important that he go out and make his mark.
I told him – I’ve always viewed myself more like a Kindergarten teacher than anything else…
I have students. They come into the room. I teach the things that are necessary to get out there and do great things. We get to the end of the semester. I pat them on the back and say “Go do amazing things” and they move on.
I don’t sit around wondering if the student is going to light candles for me, buy my t-shirts, sign up for the super exclusive come have tea with me experience. My job was to teach.. and it was done. If they visit the classroom and say hey – I’d love to see them.
But I did what I was supposed to do. A quick pat on the back and I get ready for the next class. I don’t miss them because it wasn’t my job to do that.I knew what I had wanted to do all along.. I just needed a little bit of silence from all the noise in my head (and a bit of woodworking) to remember…
So i’m off to go Teach.. not Preach…